Oh, Those Nasty Agendas!

My lunacy comes straight from the heart... not from an agenda!

Why do those meanie-pants, Godless Liberals always have an agenda? Why is it that the lamestream media is all-fired up and out to get us commonsense conservaturds? You’d think those “gotcha” journalists like Katie Couric, Rachel Maddow, and those two or three others are being paid or something, with the way they go after us. But, who would pay them? God is not on their side, so they’re just doing this stuff to be mean because they have those “agenda” thingys.

Now, I’m not one to point fingers, but agendas only seem to be important to the lying-lefties! No one on MY side (that’s God’s side) has one. We’re all so sure of being right that we just spew whatever is there in our hearts without thinkin’ first, and it works out just fine. Like when Rand Paul said he would have only supported nine-out-of-ten things in the Civil Rights act. Well, I don’t know about you folks, but I don’t see an agenda in that, no siree. That “tenth thing” having to do with businesses not segregating their establishments didn’t really matter anyway, did it? And, when I said I want the government to step in and pass a nationwide ban on gay marriage, that’s not driven by my religious-right agenda, no siree. That’s just me being a fanatical Christian! You could also too look at my sister conservaturds Michelle and Orly for whacky statements and you’d surely find some, but by golly, they’re just as far out there as I am. Their lunacy comes straight from the heart, not an agenda!

What I also hate, is when the lefties go and say things there like “Fux News has an agenda”. It’s like I said on my good friend Jay’s show awhile back, I work for Fux News because they’re fair and balanced! If they had an agenda, it would just get in the way of them tellin’ the truth there…. according to Glen Beckerwood and Sean Insannity, and ME. And, that bevy of bleached-blondes in tight skirts doesn’t serve any kind of agenda either. They’re just there ta’ keep the old white guys comin’ back for more…. no agenda in that, now is there?

So now, the next time you hear anyone who isn’t a good ol’ religious zealot, beltway outsider, multi-millionaire, real American talkin’ from the left of center, you’ll know why… it’s only an agenda. Anyone who isn’t just like me has one, and I know that because God told me so, oh yes he did!

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