Well, I was out there in Michigan a few days ago, and by golly it was a real roof-raiser when I took the stage to perform. I got standing ovations from the sheeple, I mean people who paid to see me (I never go anywhere for free). It just shows how American I am, and how Socialist old Obamer is. He goes places for free because elected officials can’t take big fat checks to show up like I can, and I think that’s the very definition of Socialism, isn’t it? Well it’s my definition. I guess being a quitter never profited anybody ’til me! I’m just kinda mavericky like that… trailblazing and bible thumpin’ my way to millionairness, yes I am.
So, I made sure to tell all the fearful baggers, wingnuts and violent Christians how thankful I am to them there, for clinging to things (and for makin’ me rich). Like drowning rats clinging to swirling leaves, there they are clinging to guns, bibles and all the fear I can instill in only 45 minutes. I mean, to me, the fear of having their eardrums rupture from the fingernails on a chalkboard effect of my voice would be enough, but thankfully for me, it’s wasn’t. They wanted more! So, of course, I threw in a few good jabs (the same old ones):
• Lamestream media thinkin’ I’m an idiot (go figure)
• Unfunded mandates (whatever those are)
• Giving America back to the people who ruined it (because commonsense says we need more of that)
• Letting the private sector do what it does best (because insurance companies should be able to say who lives or dies, right?)
• Throwing the environment under the bus in the name of freedom and prosperity, and
• Yaaaawwwnnn… oops, sorry for that. (I’ve blabbed these same things so many times I’m even boring myself!)
Anyhoo, I think the strongest point I made was my refusal to back down on my “spill, baby, spill”… I mean “drill, baby, drill” mantra. As that Deepwater Horizon oil rig was exploding, and folks were scared for their lives… even as the second cap blew and the ocean filled with crude petroleum, there I was saying how God himself had “developed resources to responsibly extract here in the U.S.” And, as dusturbed as it sounds, gosh darnit I meant it!
Really, all of God’s little creations like the Gulf Coast shoreline, marine mammals, water fowl, and ocean life, along with all the fishermen, and everything on down there to the ocean floor, can see how responsible God is, right? And, ruining everything he made for us on this planet is just A-OK with him as long as I say it is! So, Forget BP and Halliburton. This is really all about God (and me). I know that anytime I throw mention of God into the mix there, it makes everything peachy-keen and it shows we’re in good company, darn tootin’ it does!
So, to all the baggers, thumpers, birthers and gun toters out there, I say thank you, God bless you, and keep on clingin’! You’re makin’ me rich and that’s just the way God wants it, you betcha!
©Scarah Palin 2010