Well alrighty there, how’ya doin today? I’m still over here, all offended by most things, and on some days almost everything.
As hard as it is to be “Our Lady of the Perpetually Offended”, I can always make it work to my advantage. But, gosh darnit, every time I turn around there’s somebody not likin’ me, or prankin’ me, or sayin’ I got the liberals all wee-wee’d up over something, or makin’ a mean video of me, or there’s some TV show host talkin’ about how stupid I am… it just never ends! I just wish I could put ’em all on a big map there, with crosshairs and tell all of my Palinbots to “reload”. That’d show’em, but I already played the reload card.
So, now I’m just starting Scarah’s List of Shame. Everybody who makes me mad is going on the list there, and I’m gonna have one of my entourage post it on my Facebook page.
I’m not gonna even bother putting that Socialist, Fascist, Marxist, Nazi, Liberal Obama on the list. It’d take up an entire book there just to list his offenses against me… especially after he had the nerve to question my authority on nookular technology. How dare him? I just hate it when I attack and they get to attack back!
So now, these are just some of the names I have so far, along with the reasons why God wants me to hate ’em:
• David Letterman – For being a ugly meanie old pervert
• Jimmy Kimmel – For making fun of me too many times to count (more than ten)
• Chris Matthews – For calling me an “empty vessel” (my vessel has been filled more times than Octomom’s, by golly)
• Alan Grayson – For calling me a “wild Alaskan Dingbat” (I shoot those things when they fly over)
• Keith Olbermann – For saying I tell lies, and making fun of Palintology
• Rahm Emanuel – Don’t get me started… really, don’t
• Tina Fey – For being prettier and smarter than me when she’s being me
• Betty White – For calling me a “crazy bitch”
• Jennifer Lopez – For calling me a “la cabrona” (also means crazy bitch)
• Rachel Maddow – For saying I have “misguided talking points” (I’m guided by God Almighty)
• That swishy boy on YouTube – For imitating me in an ugly wig and cheap shoes
• And anybody who makes up a funny song about me
Now, just be sure you like me and don’t make fun of me, or I’ll have your name slapped on my Facebook page faster than you can say “nailin pailin”, you betcha I will!
(I heard that… you said “nailin palin”. That’s IT. You’re on my list!)
©Scarah Palin 2010