Introducing “Palintology”!

Wailin' for the rupture, I mean rapture! image: Associated Press

I’m so excited! I’m working on forming a new branch of waaaay out religious fanaticism called “Palintology”. It’s gonna a be a new wack-a-doodle branch of Christianity.

As Palintologists, my members will be devout believers who focus on putting religious words in the mouths of our founding fathers, throwing church and state into a big, slicey-dicey blender till the two are all mushed up and nonsensical (kinda like my performances), garble the constitution into almost biblical form, and pray to go back in time!

Honestly now, that Hubbard fellow made a religion based on flyin’ saucers and what-not… and lots of rich folks donate lots of money to belong to it…. oh holy heck.. Tom Cruise! John Travolta! Do you think they’ll convert from Scientology to Palintology? This is just mind boggling. I wonder why I didn’t think of it sooner? My dear baggers will be rubbin’ elbows with the rich and famous, and mostly showered and shaved.

Oh, now for the really important stuff:  I can’t wait to rewrite the bible and the constitution all into ONE BIG BOOK! I’ve got a holy ghost rider, I mean writer, workin’ on it as we speak! And, of course, I’m thinkin’ up the tithing schedule for the devoutly misguided. The $12 million I’ve earned so far from my performances is going to be nothing in comparison to this scheme, I mean idea, I mean Godly inspiration!

Jesus, JESUS! Get down here right now and throw me some fancy words!

©Scarah Palin 2010

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2 Responses to Introducing “Palintology”!

  1. chuckie t. says:

    Very good idea!

  2. Jesus Fuggincripes says:

    Yea there wilt be a big party on the Arizona desert called “Burning Can.” ‘Tis fashioned after the hippies Burning Man, but will be a celebration of all that is baggish. We shalt burn Glenn Becks’ undies and styrofoam and many combustible materials, during daylight hours, of course as we all go to bed around 8 pm. The Women of Joy shall be there screwing, I mean ministering to the Prayer Warriors and Scarah will bind us all together, kinda like “Cyrus” from the movie “The Warriors.” There wilt be holy water specially blessed by me as beverages and for only 10 dollars a quart, a real “Family Value.” Kenny Chesney shalst play and we will all make merry. Merry hath agreed in advance. No noise or whistling will be allowed when Scarah speaks and those identifying liberal infiltraitors are encouraged to bring them to the “Hospitality Tent” for execution. See you there!

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